There is an angel and demon on your shoulders giving you dating advice, they slowly start flirting with each other and you become the third wheel.

[Flint]

This is an idea I had for a couple weeks, I want to give mine first and see everyone else prompt for this idea.

The subject of this prompt is the same as the title, there is an angel and demon on your shoulders giving you dating advice, they slowly start flirting with each other and you become the third wheel.

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"Tell her you want to pin her against the wall and bang her so good she'll feel like a used mop," the voice whispers in my left ear, as Mia takes her seat in front of me and smiles.

"You want coffee?" she asks.

"Don't tell her that!" I hear, in my right ear. "Girls don't want to hear that!"

From my left ear, "They don't?"

"No! And by the way, Nick," the right ear voice continues, "you've been quiet for like eight seconds. Which doesn't sound like a lot, but totally is when you're staring straight into someone's eyes after they've asked you a question."

"I don't drink coffee, thanks," I blurt out, trying for a smile. "Makes my heart races."

Something else that makes my hear race: Mia.

"You don't?" Mia asks, crossing her legs. "Why did you wanna go to Starbucks then?"

The little angel on my right shoulder, she's blonde, and her voice is all high pitched. The guy on my left is short, and has black hair and a deeper voice. Also kind of an asshole.

It's bad enough when only one is talking. When they decide to talk to each other, it's almost impossible to focus on anything else.

Schizophrenia is a bitch.

"Tell her the bathroom here is perfect for a quickie!" the dude whispers. "Tell her to meet you there in five!"

"Don't say that! My God!"

"I like the cookies," I tell Mia, smiling. That's not true. Starbucks was just the first place that came to mind when I finally managed to sum up the courage to ask her out. I didn't expect her to say yes. I panicked. Sue me.

No, but seriously, don't sue me. In addition to being bad with women and mentally unstable, I'm also broke.

"Oh…" Mia says, sipping her coffee. "Aren't you getting a cookie, then?"

"Wait, then what do girls like, then?" little dude on the left asks. "If they don't like it when you're confident and –"

"They like it when you're sweet, and caring. And confident, yes, but not in a gross way," blonde girl replies, peeking under my chin at my left shoulder. "You can't say things like that on a first date."

"I can be sweet," the dude replies. "I mean… Nick. Nick can be sweet. That's what I meant. This isn't about me. Right, Nick? Be sweet, come on. Be sweet to Mia."

"I don't feel like having a cookie now" I say, breaking the silence. "Hey, do you want some sugar? For you coffee?"

"I ask him to be sweet and he gives the girl sugar. Jesus..."

"Thanks, I'm on a diet," Mia replies.

"Oh, you don't need one, you can get fat!" I say.

"Oh, God," blonde girl whispers.

"Duuude," short guy ads.

"No! I meant… I meant you can afford to – I meant…" I pause. "I just meant you look nice. Listen, Mia, there's something I wanted to talk to you, for some time now. Something I wanna tell you."

"Hey," short dude says, climbing over my ear to the top of my head. "Listen… would you mind… telling me more about these… things girls like to hear? Like on first dates?"

Blonde girl sighs. "Why? So you can score with your bimbos down in Hell?"

"No, no… really, I… there's this girl that I like…"

"What's up Nick?" Mia asks me. "What do you wanna tell me?"

"But she… she kind of doesn't know it. And she thinks I'm gross. I think."

"Oh…" Blonde girl raises her eyes. The short dude is halfway up my head now, looking down at my right shoulder.

"Huh… Mia, I wanted to tell you that I like yo –"

"David!" Mia gets up, greeting the six foot two bearded, top knot haircut (God, I hate those) Calvin Klein model starting down at her. With a kiss.

Did you hear me? With a kiss.

I said a kiss. She kissed him. On the lips. Like a fifties wife.

Damn this dude is beautiful, though. Half his face is jawline, I swear to God.

"David, this is Nick, my friend from college."

"Hey there. I'm David, nice to meet you."

"Yeah, this girl is really special," short dude continues, climbing down my right ear to my shoulder now. Blonde girl gets up, and they're eye to eye. "I just wish I knew how to talk to her… without sounding like a jerk."

"You're Nick, right? Mia told me so much about you."

"Really?"

"What – what's this girl like?" Blonde girl asks, as short dude pulls her hair out from in front of her eyes.

"Huh… no, not really, she never mentioned you," David smiles, awkwardly. He turns to Mia. "Hey, honey, I just dropped by because you forgot your earrings at my place last night. I gotta go. See you later."

Mia takes the earrings and kisses David goodbye. Again. She kisses him again. The bitch.

Mia sits back, smile on her face. "Sorry about that. What were you going to tell me, Nick?"

I sigh. Mia takes another sip of her coffee. In my right ear, I hear kissing noises.

"Nick?"

"Screw it, I'm going to a whorehouse," I say, getting up. On my way out, I make a point to bump my shoulder hard against the door frame.

I hate Valentine's Day.

[Killmatronix]

Ouch.